Imogen was my second child, I already had a beautiful little girl named Lily. I had Lily when I was young, so I found that I grew up rather quickly. I matured a lot faster than all of my friends at school and I honestly believe I was born to be a mother. My pregnancy and birth with Lily was fantastic, nothing short of perfection to be honest. So, why should I had expected any less the second time around?
O7|O5|12 you was expected to enter the world, but 2O|O4|12 you decided to make a swift appearance. I'd enjoyed the whole entire pregnancy, I'd had my ups & downs and you'd put me through a few scares, but never the less - I loved you with all my heart, and couldn't wait to meet you. Everything seemed so perfect, I had an amazing job, perfect house, a beautiful big sister for you! and perfect Daddy. Along with the most amazing family & friends waiting excitedly to meet you. I didn't have the slightest worry when you decided to come a little early because I knew you was a healthy weight and ready to enter the world. Little did I know what we was about to experience.
I done everything in my will power to get you here safetly but I suppose some things are not meant to be. We hit some difficulties and was both under a lot of stress. I wouldn't wish what we went through on my worst enemy. I felt so useless, thinking I could have done more, but you'd simply given up your fight. To think I'd have gone through 9 months of bonding, loving and excitment, to have it all taken away from me, not even that but ripped away from me. I never got to hear you cry, or see you open your beautiful eyes. I've missed out of years of growing up, teaching you right from wrong. Watching you play with Lily. Everything seems like a blur, but finally I'm becoming happy again, which is what I know you'd like. Nothing will ever be the same again, I'll never forget them precious moments we did share together, including the time you was growing inside me. I'm sorry I couldn't support you and give you the strength you needed to be here today. As I write this, some may think its silly - but for me it helps.... helps others understand a little bit of the pain and confusion I'm going through, and helps to get things off of my chest. I honestlybelieve you're up there in the sky watching over us all, sending us luck and keeping us all safe.
Not only was you amazingly beautiful, you was my gorgeous baby and to know that you was taken so horribly is gut wrenching. I want you back, I want one more day with you, just to tell you all the things I wish I'd have said.
Everyone keeps telling me I'm 'brave', 'doing so well' & 'in time it'll get better'. Which I don't believe at all. I don't believe it'll ever be better, but I'll learn to cope with the pain, I'll have my down days where all I'll want to do is cry, yet I'll try and keep strong and make you proud.
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I've got to say a massive thank you to everyone for all their love, support & affection. The very few people that I have opened up to, know exactly how I feel & exactly what I'm going through. I'm sorry to anyone whom I've been rude too or pushed away but I suppose it was my way of dealing with things, thank you to everyone for understanding, them special ones whom have treated me like a normal human being and notpussy-footed around me. Thanks for all the cards, lovely messages, flowers & everyone whom came to celebrate Imogen's life, whether that was by attending her funeral, candle lighting or lantern lighting. I seriously wouldn't have got this far without all your support.
- - - - - - - - - If loosing you has taught me anything, it's to cherish every single day as it comes. Live your life for today because you never know what tomorrow may bring. I'm the proudest mummy ever and I haveyou to thank for that.
Until that day we meet again, I promise you to be the best Mummy to Lily ever possible. I'll make sureeveryone knows how beautiful you was, and Lily will always be your big sister.
I'd give my whole entire life just to hold you once again. To feel your skin against mine, see your tiny toes & fingers.
I'll love you forever & a day, until we meet again
- Mummy. xox
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