NOTHING MATTERS ANYMORE

I've been spending a lot of time lately thinking, just pondering over what has happened and why? A lot has happened lately, a lot of questions have been answered but they’ve left me with more questions, worse questions if that makes any sense whatsoever. I've started asking so many questions to the point I've even started beating myself up about the entire situation which isn’t healthy I know.

I understand to a certain extent that it wasn’t my fault, everything happens for a reason and she’s gone, but it doesn’t make accepting the facts any easier.

 I don’t think I have grieved entirely, but then when do you ever get over something like this?

I’m just scared, I’ve done so well moving forward, focusing on my life and family I now feel as though I’m taking one step forward and five steps back.

I’ve lost all motivation; I don’t even want to get out of bed. I think my friends have begun noticing signs as well; I’ve been so distant lately, and my emotions are running high. I cried the other day in my local ASDA store because I couldn’t find any decent Apples, now before you suggest depression, it’s not. I’m aware of how depression feels, and if I was to become depressed I know what actions to take, I don’t know – I just feel lost. I’m putting on the front though, the last thing I need right now, or want is my babies to pick up on this. 

So many mixed emotions, I just want my baby girl back.

HEADSTONE DONATIONS

Myself and Steve (Imogens Father) have recently been looking at Headstones for our daughter and when we found the perfect Headstone, we was amazed but slightly dishearted by the price. 

So we started asking friends and family for donations towards her Headstone, then a friend mentioned sharing the link, and more people began to donate £1 here, £5 there ... slowly we've raised just over £600 which is amazing and we're so overwhelmed, but ... it's not our target. 

Unless you've lost a child yourself, you won't really understand the pain myself and my family have experienced lately, and the last mission we are on as a family is to have a beautiful place for our daughters memory to continue. 

If you could be kind enough to donate as little as £1 then please follow the link below and donate. It really would mean the world to myself and my family. 

Please Donate Via Clicking Here

http://gogetfunding.com/project/imogen-neave-headstone

http://gogetfunding.com/project/imogen-neave-headstone

http://gogetfunding.com/project/imogen-neave-headstone

http://gogetfunding.com/project/imogen-neave-headstone

Thank you x 

IMOGEN NEAVE ROSE COYLE

Imogen was my second child, I already had a beautiful little girl named Lily. I had Lily when I was young, so I found that I grew up rather quickly. I matured a lot faster than all of my friends at school and I honestly believe I was born to be a mother. My pregnancy and birth with Lily was fantastic, nothing short of perfection to be honest. So, why should I had expected any less the second time around? 

O7|O5|12 you was expected to enter the world, but 2O|O4|12 you decided to make a swift appearance. I'd enjoyed the whole entire pregnancy, I'd had my ups & downs and you'd put me through a few scares, but never the less - I loved you with all my heart, and couldn't wait to meet you. Everything seemed so perfect, I had an amazing job, perfect house, a beautiful big sister for you! and perfect Daddy. Along with the most amazing family & friends waiting excitedly to meet you. I didn't have the slightest worry when you decided to come a little early because I knew you was a healthy weight and ready to enter the world. Little did I know what we was about to experience.

I done everything in my will power to get you here safetly but I suppose some things are not meant to be. We hit some difficulties and was both under a lot of stress. I wouldn't wish what we went through on my worst enemy. I felt so useless, thinking I could have done more, but you'd simply given up your fight. To think I'd have gone through 9 months of bonding, loving and excitment, to have it all taken away from me, not even that but ripped away from me.  I never got to hear you cry, or see you open your beautiful eyes. I've missed out of years of growing up, teaching you right from wrong. Watching you play with Lily. Everything seems like a blur, but finally I'm becoming happy again, which is what I know you'd like. Nothing will ever be the same again, I'll never forget them precious moments we did share together, including the time you was growing inside me. I'm sorry I couldn't support you and give you the strength you needed to be here today. As I write this, some may think its silly - but for me it helps.... helps others understand a little bit of the pain and confusion I'm going through, and helps to get things off of my chest. I honestlybelieve you're up there in the sky watching over us all, sending us luck and keeping us all safe. 

Not only was you amazingly beautiful, you was my gorgeous baby and to know that you was taken so horribly is gut wrenching. I want you back, I want one more day with you, just to tell you all the things I wish I'd have said. 

Everyone keeps telling me I'm 'brave', 'doing so well' & 'in time it'll get better'. Which I don't believe at all. I don't believe it'll ever be better, but I'll learn to cope with the pain, I'll have my down days where all I'll want to do is cry, yet I'll try and keep strong and make you proud.

- - - - - - - - - 

I've got to say a massive thank you to everyone for all their love, support & affection. The very few people that I have opened up to, know exactly how I feel & exactly what I'm going through. I'm sorry to anyone whom I've been rude too or pushed away but I suppose it was my way of dealing with things, thank you to everyone for understanding, them special ones whom have treated me like a normal human being and notpussy-footed around me. Thanks for all the cards, lovely messages, flowers & everyone whom came to celebrate Imogen's life, whether that was by attending her funeral, candle lighting or lantern lighting. I seriously wouldn't have got this far without all your support.  

 - - - - - - - - -  If loosing you has taught me anything, it's to cherish every single day as it comes. Live your life for today because you never know what tomorrow may bring. I'm the proudest mummy ever and I haveyou to thank for that.  

Until that day we meet again, I promise you to be the best Mummy to Lily ever possible. I'll make sureeveryone knows how beautiful you was, and Lily will always be your big sister. 

I'd give my whole entire life just to hold you once again. To feel your skin against mine, see your tiny toes & fingers.

I'll love you forever & a day, until we meet again

- Mummy. xox    

INTRODUCTION

Hello! 

My name is Rose and I have set up this blog in a hope to raise awareness towards Stillbirth in the UK. I am currently in the process of setting up a charity in memory of my daughter called Imogen's Angels (hence the name of this blog) 

You can find us via other social networking sites also but I was advised by a friend to start a blog, now I can't promise I'll be great at updating this, nor my wording but I can try my hardest. I am not a blogger, and do not intend to be but I purely have set out to make a difference. 

About Imogen's Angels. 

In 2012 I lost my second child to Stillbirth, my pregnancy was near on perfect. I couldn't have imagined a easier flowing pregnancy to be honest with you, I had a few hiccups at the start but nothing happened to ring alarm bells. It was't until I went into labour that things started to go wrong, I went into labour naturally. Being my second child, I wouldn't say that the pains were overly different, of course it hurt but I knew what to expect because I'd done this previously. You can read my birthing story in another post, so keep an eye out for that!